Cold Thoughts on A Winter Evening

[I had gone for an evening walk today, a silent walk. A walk that became the source for this prose poem. Sometimes walking gives rise to thoughts worth penning, or rather, typing down. :)]


As I walked down the silent road,
A walk that was to try and let go,
Cold from outside, cold within,
Coldness, in a wave, rushed in.

Coldness, in a wave, rushed into
A heart that had become cold and dark.
Coldness that made the heart rigid,
Coldness that made the soul frigid.

Coldness that made the soul frigid,
Coldness that pierced the heart with the cry:
A cry that made my eyes move,
My eyes saw the starlit sky

My eyes saw the starlit sky,
My eyes saw a dream die,
My eyes turned behind and saw,
A living hell that had been the world.

A living hell that had been the world,
With thorns of deceit; not hearts of gold,
Ah, a world that did not smile,
And wonder about the birds that fly.

And wonder about the birds that fly,
Or the fish that swim in oceans deep,
My eyes looked at the starlit sky,
My eyes felt the wonder die.

My eyes felt the wonder die,
But no, my eyes did not cry,
Not a tear was shed as my legs turned,
And walked onwards towards meanings unknown

And walked onwards towards meaning unknown,
But coldness, in a wave, rushed in.
I continue to walk on a silent road,
Cold from outside and cold within.

A Day Temporarily Arrested

Too close,
A call unheard,
Arrested attention,
Quick thought,
Action needed?

Mind thinks,
A road not traversed.
Will a glance
A peep
Suffice to refuse?

The road
Seems green.
Why not?
Why the hiding?
Seize the moment.

How cruel,
The moment slips.
Mind jumps back,
Restores stasis.
...The day moves on.

A Space of My Own

All that I ask for,
Is a space of my own.
All that I ask for,
Is to be left alone

If you can't understand me,
At least ignore me .
But don't, under the pretence
Try to stifle me.

I am sorry but I can't be,
What you want me to be
But that is way I am
That defines me as 'me.'

I feel indignant,
That being so close to me,
You chose to misunderstand,
May be intentionally?

I need this space -
This space of my own.
I am sorry but you can't,
Join me in this sojourn.

Hope you understand,
And bid an adieu.
That will be,
The best thing to do.

The Enterprise

I stayed awake 
Last night till one. 
With an innocent wish, 
And feelings so warm.

I wanted for once 
To be there on time. 
I wanted for once 
To say the words so prime 

The hours passed 
The minutes passed 
As I waited and waited 
For the moment defined. 

But even before it arrived 
I sensed a distant storm 
Try as hard as I may 
It did not go away on its own. 


The inevitable happened, 
I gave up the waiting, 
I forsake the Enterprise, 
Of Wishing.

Elusive Tears

Two tears,
Flowed silently,
Noiselessly,
You wouldnt’ know,
Their birth.

Rapidly down,
They flowed.
And finally,
Met with quick death.

Bound in eyes
Elusive were they.
But today
They found their way.

The unmisted eyes
Are peaceful now.
For, the clouded vision
has cleared now.

(a poem written long ago...transferred from a restricted blog :-) 

Life's little sacrifices

Hmmm....along the way, we often have had to make a few sacrifices. Life's little ones I should say...because in the grand scheme of things, these will apparently have limited importance. Let me try to list out the few sacrifices that I was forced to make:

1. My sony headset. It was an awesome gadget that would literally boom the music into your ears. My faithful companion during my early walking attempts. I didn't even have the time to process the loan request. With two sons firmly intent on making a scrapyard of my technical gadgets, the last thing I wanted to adorn on my ears was my headset. So it went out on a loan...and it has been about a couple of months since then.

2.My reading addiction - Since I am forced to remain addicted to the antics of my sons, my addiction to reading had to be sacrificed. What is the reading that I can manage in the course of a day? Some glances at the headlines...grinning to myself that I have read it all during the night and the early morn on google news. The horoscope section deserves my careful attention. Nowadays, I check my husband's daily horoscope too. Pays well to anticipate the mercurial temperaments of men which curiously seems to parallel the daily predictions. I tried the trick of spreading the newspapers on the dining table whilst I partake of my meals. Of late, my elder twin has developed the habit of sitting on my lap and partaking of my partakings. Classics are consigned to another day, while my collection of Wodehouse and James Herriot are revisited once in a while.

3. Cooking - Yes, I was addicted to cooking (to all those who doubt my culinary skills...ask those fortunate individuals who have partaken of my culinary creations) I was an amateur cook, managing my bachelorette days...but now...I can actually count the number of times I have made the evening tea in the past three weeks...a sure single digit. :-) One baby demanding to be carried, and another baby climbing the dining table chair...you get the picture? So technically, I am banished from the kitchen and have to grit my teeth in agony whilst my husband claims that indulging in culinary experiments relaxes him. :-)

4. My mobile phone - which is perpetually in three pieces. My sons find it fascinating to bang it to the floor, and watch in admiration as the display, the battery and the cover fly into three different zones. Thankfully they are not so bothered about the battery. And while I quickly dive to retrieve it, I can only thank heavens that my phone is a Nokia.

More sacrifices will probably follow...since much is expected from people on whom much responsibility is placed, right?

A Thank You Note

I tried writing this as a poem...(I don't even know how I conceive of myself as a poet) But this is one of those occasions when prose aids me better.
Two tiny bundles lying by my side...night after night...in peaceful bliss. My priceless diamonds as I call them, I never knew that they were going to come into my life this soon...and thrust on me the sweet responsibilities of motherhood. I don't curse the sleepless nights that I spend...just to be sure that I answer to they calls promptly. And the strange kind of pleasure that I feel in arranging their beds, decking them up for their walks, taking care of their diet and so on and so forth. Two years ago, if anyone had asked me on what motherhood means, my answer in all probability would have been clinical. Trust me on that. But today,...I fall short of words to describe. Yes, I have had to make a few sacrifices along the way..chief among them being the pleasures of my bachelorette days. But then,...the sense of pride that I felt in welcoming my twins has consigned everything else to the closet...never to be opened as of now and for some time to come.

I am indeed honoured and humbled to be called a mother. The first time I heard R mouth 'ammmmmmmaaaaaaaaa' and B following suit..... trust me...my heart skipped a beat. This is it....my proud moment as a mother. Thank you B and R for making my life so beautiful.